Essential tips for stress-free family law mediations
Mediations are an important part of the family law process. A mediation gives you and your former partner and excellent opportunity to resolve your matter yourselves, rather than have someone else make the decision for you.
Given the importance of mediation and the decisions you are making about your children or property, its completely normal to feel anxious and overwhelmed before, or during your mediation. When the mediation does finish you will probably feel physically, emotionally and mentally drained
While your lawyers do most the preparation, there are things that you can do to get the most out of your mediation and make sure you are in the best frame of mind to participate fully.
In this weeks blog we have outlined some steps you can take to support yourself before, during, and after the mediation process.
Before your mediation
Prioritise Your Well-Being
Rest & nutrition: in the lead up to your mediation make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating healthily meals, drinking plenty of water and keeping active.
Mental preparation: if you are finding it hard to switch off, consider doing some mindfulness exercises, deep breathing or meditation. If you have a psychologist or counsellor discuss with with them some ways that you can manage your stress leading up to your mediation.
Check in with your professional supports: consider arranging an appointment with your psychologist or counsellor before your mediation.
Be Prepared
Prepare an opening statement: your opening statement should outline why you are at mediation and what you want to achieve from the mediation. When preparing your opening statement think about why mediation is important to you. You may not need to read your opening statement but preparing one is a good way to focus on what is important to you.
Ensure your proposals are workable: are you asking to keep the family home? Make sure you can refinance the mortgage into your sole name before the mediation. Are you pressing for the children to go to private school? Consider how the school fees are going to be paid. It may seem obvious, but your proposals have to be workable, and you should check this before entering into the mediation. There is nothing worse than having parties spend 5 hours negotiating only to find out that one party does not know if they can actually do what they agreed to.
Read the mediation paperwork prepared by your solicitor: our solicitors always prepare a case outline for mediations. These case outlines provide the mediator with important information about the matter and the issues to be discussed at mediation. Having a read of the case outline before your mediation and familiarising yourself with the main issues to be discussed should make you feel more confident going into the mediation.
Read any starting proposals and consider areas for compromise: - most mediators ask the parties to exchange a proposal before the mediation. The key to a successful mediation is both parties making sensible compromises. You should carefully read the proposal made on behalf of your former partner and consider where there may be options for compromise. If there is something your former partner seeks and you do not believe there is any room to compromise on, make some notes about why there is no room for movement on that issue.
Ask questions: if you are feeling particularly nervous about the mediation process. If you do not know where to go, where you can park, or what to bring you can speak with one of our paralegals or support staff. If you have questions about the mediation process or what to discuss the pre-mediation proposal made by your former spouse, arrange an appointment with your solicitor.
Cover the practicalities
Know the location and start time of your mediation: are your required at your solicitor’s office? Do you need to dial into a zoom room? What time does your solicitor want to meet with you before the mediation? Where is the best place to park your car? Make sure you have covered these practicalities before the mediation. If you are unsure, call your solicitor’s office and ask the support team.
Childcare: mediations often finish after school hours, so make sure you have organised for someone to pick the kids up from school or daycare before the day of your mediation.
Tell your solicitor if you need anything on the day: if you are not comfortable seeing your former partner during the mediation tell your solicitor. They will work with the mediator to ensure the mediation is set up in a way that you are comfortable.
During your mediation
Start the day right
Look after yourself before the mediation: don’t stay up till midnight reading paperwork. Wind down the night before by doing something completely unrelated to your mediation like watching your favourite tv show, reading a book or playing a game but make sure you get to bed at a decent hour. The morning of your mediation make sure you have something for breakfast, even if you are feeling too nervous to eat.
Give yourself plenty of time: arrive early so you can find a carpark, get to your solicitor’s office and settle before the mediation starts.
Use the supports available to you throughout the day
Talk to your solicitor: Melissa or Tim are with you throughout your mediation. They do their best to judge how you are coping with the mediation during the day, but they cannot always tell when a client is struggling. It is important you speak up if you are feeling overwhelmed.
Ask questions: mediations are fast paced and cover a lot of information. If you’re not sure what is happening, ask your solicitor.
Eat and drink: our friendly receptionist, Di, takes exceptional care of our clients by providing a lovely morning tea, and snacks for you throughout your mediation. We also make sure you have water, and as much coffee and tea as you need to get through the day.
Take breaks when offered: Melissa and Tim will offer you breaks throughout the mediation. If you are offered a break, take the opportunity to stretch your legs, get some fresh air or use the bathroom. A short break will help you physically and mentally get ready for the next session in your mediation.
Make sure you are in the right mind frame
Be prepared to compromise and negotiate: while being ‘hard’ and ‘tough’ with your former partner and refusing to budge during the mediation may seem like a good tactic to get what you want, in reality it’s a terrible way to approach mediation. The only thing you will achieve by acting like this is an unsuccessful mediation.
Put yourself in your former partners shoes: consider why your former partner is putting forward a particular proposal. For example, if your former partner has suggested you have Christmas in alternate years because they would normally travel to stay with their family? In our experience there is generally a reason why someone is seeking a particular proposal, it is rarely just out of spite.
Actively participate
Make sure you take the day off work: you don’t want to be fielding phone calls or emails while you are trying to mediate. Sometimes this is unavoidable, and we can take short breaks if you need to make a phone call or respond to an important email, you don’t want to be focusing on this throughout the day rater than your mediation.
Read the agreement: if you do reach an agreement your mediator may way the parties to sign a Heads of Agreement or Orders. Make sure you read the agreement properly before you sign it. If you are unsure about anything, ask your solicitor before signing the document.
After your mediation
Debrief with your legal team
Take time after the mediation to debrief with your solicitor: Melissa or Tim will check in with you after the mediation and have a short debrief with you. They don’t keep you too long, given you have already had a big day, but they will make sure you know what has been agreed and what needs to happen next.
Expect our follow up call: the next business day after your mediation one of our support staff will give you a call for a check-in. These phone calls are a good way for us to make sure you are okay after a draining day and answer any questions that you may have coming out of the mediation.
Do something nice for yourself
Give yourself a treat: whether it is your favourite dinner or dinner with friends, a bubble bath, a massage or something else you enjoy, arrange to do something nice for yourself after your mediation.
Take time to process the mediation but don’t dwell: it’s important to process what happened at mediation but try not to focus and fixate on what happened during the mediation. It’s easy to get caught up on areas where you had to compromise or orders you did not get that you wanted, but try to reframe your thinking and focusing on the positives coming out of the mediation.
Ask for help if you need it: if you have found the mediation process very difficult and need extra help, please ask our team. We have a list of counsellors, psychologist and support people that you can turn to for support. If you need out of hours support, you can turn to any of the mental health support services. We have included details for some at the end of this blog.
Remember…
You’re not alone in this process. Our team is here to support you every step of the way. If you have questions or need reassurance, don’t hesitate to reach out—we’re always happy to help.
Please note: the information in this article is general in nature. For specific advice about your circumstances or if you have any questions regarding the Rules or family law, contact our experienced team.
